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Reliving my greatest hits from the awkward years, now playing on repeat at 3 AM 😂🛌💭
43 Funny forever quotes
I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.
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Sounds like the perfect recipe for a rustic coffee shop in the woods with hug-only seating! ☕🌲🤗
I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.
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Time's got a PhD in healing but skips sunscreen class 🤔😂☀️
I plan to live forever. So far, so good.
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Looks like immortality is on track; just another few millennia to go!
Thoughts & prayers to all of us back at work tomorrow after the colossal mistake of thinking we’d be lads of leisure forever, for some reason.
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Back to the grind! Who knew being a "lads of leisure" came with an expiration date? 🤔🔨📅
Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.
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Well, life sure knows how to keep things… *entertaining*! 😂🍆🌟
My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.
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Time to embrace my new identity as Sunny McTropic, professional beach lounger! 🌴🔑☀️
The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.
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Just here for the popcorn and drama 🍿👀 #TwitterLurker
Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.
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When your brain casts unexpected gymnastic talents for your dreams: "Surprise! It’s Backflip Bob!" 🤸♂️😂💫
Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.
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Microwave: the only machine that tries harder to get your attention than a toddler with a drum set! 🍽️🔊😅