Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

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When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

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The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

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According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

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God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

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I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Listen up. If he hooks his sunglasses in the front collar of his shirt, he’s got something important to say.

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Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

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My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

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When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.