Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Roses are red, tacos are delicious. I use paper plates, ’cause I hate doing dishes.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I’m not getting fatter. I’m increasing my content.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

If you’re not happy single you won’t be happy married. Happiness comes from eating food, not from relationships.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

You want to know how old you really feel? Stop drinking caffeine and popping Ibuprofen. Then, just wait.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Social media is mental suicide.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Just shared via Reddit:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Going viral on Slack:

All of my fitness goals are within reach, but unfortunately, so are the crisps.

Going bananas on WeChat:

A 20% discount sounds great until you realize you can’t afford the other 80%

Just landed via Pinterest:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Going bananas on Threads:

My outdoor flowers are doing amazing this year because I left them at the garden center where they belong.

Shared recently on Discord:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Good morning, you charismatic cynic!🌞😜 May your day be as bright and sassy as your sarcasm!😏 #SarcasmGoals"

good, greeting, humor, morning, personality, sarcastic, sunshine, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

0

3 days ago

bedtime, bedtime procrastination, control, control issue, day, day end, end, feels, give, issue, last, personal, personal time, procrastination, sleep, sleep issue, time, yours
All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

0

2 months ago

body, body image, confidence, desire, ever, good, hope, humor, image, look good, naked, someone, take, wanted
It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

0

2 months ago

account, bank, bank account, basket, chores, daily, daily life, filled, financial, financial struggle, humor, irony, laundry, laundry basket, life, money, nice, relatable, struggle
I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

0

2 months ago

better, bumper, bumper sticker, confidence, driving, feel, got, green, green light, honk, humor, i, just, light, lights, myself, pretty, self-esteem, sit, sometimes, sticker, think
If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

0

2 months ago

brains, fall, fall out, humor, irony, open-minded, perspective, too, wit
The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

0

1 month ago

coffee, dangerous, drinking, game, i, most, play, seeing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Slack this month:

My signature move is forgetting someone’s name 2 seconds after they tell me.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Feeling guilty for taking up the entire therapy session talking about myself.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

What do you mean it’s Monday? We just had Monday. This can’t be right.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

24 shares on X this month:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Please respond to my telepathic messages.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

46 shares on Slack this month:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

There are two wolves inside me, but please no one tell my landlord.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how much cheese you need to add, everyone knows cheese is measured with the heart.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Friends with consequences.

Making waves on Instagram:

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Some people are living bowel movement to bowel movement.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Can someone please help me, I’m still at the Fyre Festival.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

Making waves on Snapchat:

He likes when I shakalaka, so, woop, there it is.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Making waves on Discord:

If I’m gonna jingle your bells, I’m definitely gonna jingle them all the way.

Seen just now on Discord:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Bedtime procrastination isn’t a sleep issue. It’s a control issue. It’s about refusing to give up the last part of the day that feels like yours.

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

The most dangerous drinking game I play, is seeing how long I can go without coffee.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨