Good morning, dickhead, your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

Every Jurassic Park movie should end with an insurance adjuster getting a phone call and immediately throwing up.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

If a ham is allowed to spiral then so am I.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.