Commentary:
Wow, they're trying to have their cake and eat mine too! 🍰💸🤣
42 Funny sarcastic quotes
Have you ever listened to someone and realized their frontal lobe hasn’t finished marinating yet?
Commentary:
When their brain is still al dente 🤔🍝🧠
“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.
Commentary:
Feeling like a human battery constantly at 1% 😅🔋📉 #SOSRecharge
Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.
Commentary:
Kazoo cloud contest: who can puff the loudest tune without a side of battery acid? 😆🎶💨
Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.
Commentary:
Still convinced Rose was just practicing her planking skills. 🚢😢🛳️ #SaveJack
Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.
Commentary:
Congratulations on your new personal best in decision-making Olympics! 🏆🤪🎉
Umbrellas are great if you only want to get wet sideways.
Commentary:
Getting drenched vertically is soooo last season 🌧️☔😅
“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.
Commentary:
Trying my best to look interested while my brain is on a coffee break. ☕😴📡
I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.
Commentary:
Sounds like a knockout decision! 🥴🥊🙌
That stupid look on my face is my face.
Commentary:
When your face has a permanent contract with confusion 😂🤔🙃