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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

My goal weight is getting a magician to saw me in half.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

The people who are $30 trillion in debt are giving you a credit score.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Can everyone log off? I need some time alone right now.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Jan 5, 2026

3,565

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Instagram:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Spotted on WeChat:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Situationships are just you pretending you’re okay with getting used until they find someone they actually like.

Shared recently on Slack:

You can just make up words and if you say them in a Scottish accent, people will think they’re real: Looka the wee janglers on that tary bibbit.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

How do you tell someone that you will probably end up marrying them, but in a casual way?

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Just shared via TikTok:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Just landed via Telegram:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

2 months ago

0

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like these scammers are just phoning it in 📧🤖 Who knew artificial intelligence was not only better at doing our laundry but also at scamming us? Watch out for those robot scammers, they might be the next big thing in the world of cyber security! 🤖🔒

AI, before, email, even, full, humor, irony, jobs, mistakes, scam, technology, trying

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

0

2 months ago

anyone, humor, i, love, miss, money, relaxation, sleep, sleeping, spend
It’s almost time to switch from my everyday anxiety to my fancy Christmas anxiety.

0

1 month ago

almost, anxiety, Christmas, everyday, fancy, holiday, humor, seasonal, seasonal anxiety, stress, switch, time
Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, attempt, connection, consolation, consolation prize, cruelty, dating, failed, friendship, humor, prize, rejection, relationship, romantic, romantic connection
Mothers be doing unnecessary housework and then get mad at you when they’re tired.

0

2 months ago

chores, doing, family, frustration, housework, humor, mad, mother, parenting, tired, unnecessary
Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

0

2 months ago

accidentally, appetite, bag, cheat, cheat day, chips, craving, day, eaten, ever, family, food, humor, indulgence, laziness, snack
You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad cook, cook, cooking, culinary, culinary skills, disaster, dog, humor, kitchen, kitchen disaster, know, lick, pet, plate, skills

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on Slack this month:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday.

87 shares on Instagram this month:

I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.

74 shares on Slack this month:

Job hunting has legitimately been the most demoralizing experience of my life. Nothing else will make you realize how little you can actually do.

89 shares on Facebook this month:

Spiders are the only web developers who love finding bugs.

49 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine hating me and I don’t notice.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

57 shares on Facebook this month:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

56 shares on Twitch this month:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t be boring. Create the gossip you would like to hear.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent harmless cigarettes for aura farming purposes.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,474

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

I wish rage burned calories. I would be so skinny.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

The police sent me a photo radar ticket so I sent them a photo of a hundred dollars, so I guess we’re even.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Trending via Pinterest:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Just shared via TikTok:

I love when I see a really beautiful car, and I look inside, and it’s a beautiful woman. That’s fire.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Going viral on Threads:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Bob was hungry. He ripped open a new bag of tortillas only to discover a convenient, resealable opening on the other end.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Cheers to all who skipped that one dish at Thanksgiving because you just didn’t trust the person who brought it.

Going viral on TikTok:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Stopped using exclamation points in work messages so my coworkers know they’ve killed my spirit.

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