Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Anyone know how to get an air guitar out of a vacuum?

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Might lay here until someone draws my chalk outline.

85 shares on Threads this month:

I hope Google never goes down. I know like six, maybe seven, things.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Being a woman is trying to guess what the hell is going on with your body three times a week.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Crying at my desk while also finding time to cry in the shower makes for a healthy work-life balance.

76 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

66 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

95 shares on Slack this month:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.