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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I hate texting someone something freaky at night, and they reply in the morning like it’s still the vibe. Shut up. The sun’s out. I’m pure again.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,368

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

12 people have been to the moon and only 8 people have won Takeshi’s Castle. Really makes you think.

Spotted on Instagram:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Cool times create cool guys.

Live now on WeChat:

Just bought 4 pounds of cherries like I’m in some math problem.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

Going bananas on Instagram:

Being single past 30 is like playing hide and seek, except no one is looking for you.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

Just landed via WeChat:

You ever got inside jokes with yourself, or is that schizophrenia?

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Skipping through others' stories like a pro athlete, but rewatching yours like a movie critic on repeat! 🏃‍♂️🔁 #SelfLove"

attention, humor, i, irony, media, self-obsession, skipping, social, social media, story, times, watch

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

0

2 months ago

change, demon, eyes, glowing, humor, nostalgia, people, photograph, red, used
It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, creativity, enemy, hard, humor, irony, moment, music, poems, poetry, rapper, rivalry
I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

0

2 months ago

20, argument, comments, day, discussion, hello, humor, humorist, i, media, online, online discussion, post, posting, social, social media
Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

0

2 months ago

alone, away, bored, boredom, home, home alone, humor, imagine, laundry, me, mind, procrastination, put, relatable, self-reflection, still
Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

0

2 months ago

am, animal, baby, bed, day, hours, humor, i, koala, lazy, sleep
When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

0

2 months ago

ambition, career, election, going, humor, i, joke, office, politics, retire, retirement, run

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on X this month:

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

51 shares on Discord this month:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

I need you to think about me 23/7. You get 1 hour a day for yourself.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

43 shares on Pinterest this month:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

94 shares on X this month:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Getting stoned when you have a cat is awesome because it will just walk in and I’m immediately cracking up. Like, look at this dude, I bloody love this guy.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Today’s book recommendation: “The Art of Silence” by the famous Chinese philosopher Shut-Up.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Self-cleaning conscience.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I like listening to podcasts because it’s basically getting to enjoy a conversation without having to participate in it.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Going viral on Telegram:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Why does Bruce Wayne, the billionaire, not simply rig Gotham City’s elections in favor of tough-on-crime candidates?

Seen just now on Messenger:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I never sit around waiting for anyone except for the pizza delivery guy.

Going viral on TikTok:

Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

Shared recently on Discord:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Just landed via Instagram:

I will unfriend, uncousin, unco-worker, unfollow, unfamily any draining soul real quick.

Trending via Twitch:

You know you’re a bad cook when the dog won’t lick the plate.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

People don’t have demonically glowing red eyes in photographs like they used to.

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨