I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

100 shares on Threads this month:

Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t fall for me — I’ll treat you right, and you’ll get bored and cheat.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing angers me more than tall ghosts in horror movies. No one born in 1782 was that tall. Do your research, screenwriters.

12 shares on Threads this month:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

73 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

100 shares on YouTube this month:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m an adult, but not the ‘makes positive life choices’ kind.