I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

64 shares on Pinterest this month:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

44 shares on Threads this month:

Body by sandwich.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

You can’t keep running away from your problems, you’re getting older and your kids are getting faster.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Called in, “Taking a gap year.”

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.