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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Sex is great, but have you ever started slowly picking up speed after sitting in a traffic jam?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

I’m so good at missing early morning meetings, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,780

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Shared recently on X:

I think adults need summer vacation. Like, let’s just close down all our jobs for three months and play outside. Please. I’m so tired.

Spotted on Pinterest:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I find it hard to believe I used to just answer my phone when it rang. No caller ID. No idea who was calling. Just picked it up and said “hello” like a goddam daredevil.

Going bananas on Threads:

Having an exorcism, but only because the demon requested it.

Trending via Snapchat:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

Going viral on TikTok:

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I talk to my dog like she’s human and, like most humans, she looks at me like I’m an idiot.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about embracing oneself and causing amusing trouble.

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Commentary:
"Being myself was the plot twist nobody saw coming! 😅🤦‍♀️ #OopsIDidItAgain"

humor, i, identity, individuality, me, problem, self-expression

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Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Threads this month:

How many exercise videos do you have to buy before you get some results?

54 shares on Messenger this month:

If you haven’t tried blindfold archery, you should give it a go. You don’t know what you’re missing.

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

I can’t be the only person who thinks the presidential debate should be performed as a rap battle.

64 shares on X this month:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

96 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

73 shares on Discord this month:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Showers are the best places to lose arguments with yourself.

30 shares on Discord this month:

My husband saw a rabbit in our yard eating grass and said “That would be like sitting in a field of french fries.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Making dinner with my left hand, so it feels like someone else is doing it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Discord:

God: “Free will was a bad idea. I should have charged for it.”

Going viral on WeChat:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Just shared via X:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Everything feels like thinking the stripper actually likes you.

Going viral on Messenger:

Book reviews be like: “5 stars. I’m sobbing. I’m unwell. I haven’t eaten in 16 hours. Highly recommend.”

Making waves on Facebook:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Just landed via YouTube:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Just landed via Slack:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Keep the laugh going 😂

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

During winter, it’s either lazy starvation or eight thousand calories in one sitting.

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨