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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Forgot how fun it is to post IG stories. I feel like a female filmmaker.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

My goal for next month is small, simple, and clear: change my whole entire life.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Dear diary, I have to lock in tomorrow, fix everything, and do everything.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,267

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Making waves on X:

Them: I haven’t seen you in a long time. Me: You’re welcome.

Just landed via Messenger:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Spotted on Facebook:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Spotted on Facebook:

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

Shared recently on Discord:

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Spotted on YouTube:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.

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I don’t have a favorite vampire. If you ask me, they all suck.
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Commentary:
Oh, fangs for sharing your biting opinion! 🧛🏻‍♂️ Looks like you're not a fanpire of vampires… they can be quite draining, can't they? 💉🦇 But hey, at least they always leave their mark! 😆 #VampirePuns

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Reddit this month:

After 25, you’re pretty much 30.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Since it’s impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

I haven’t given up on my fairy-tale ending. I still plan to be eaten by a wolf.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

Unfortunately, a great many problems in life can be solved by just being hotter.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

27 shares on X this month:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

Hate when you’re trying to take a nap and the dentist is all “Please open your mouth.”

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Amazon cart: Order now and it will arrive today. Amazon confirmation email: LOL, just kidding, it’ll be a week from tomorrow.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Everyone focused on the lip filler, but it’s really the chin filler that is the real villain.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never met a cake I didn’t want to fork.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,702

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I don’t think the makers of protein powder have ever had chocolate.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

Trending via Instagram:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Just shared via Facebook:

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

Shared recently on X:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Just landed via Twitch:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I’d like to place an order for a large kiss and an extra-long hug.

Just shared via Discord:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Seen just now on YouTube:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

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