Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who needs the stress of parenting when you can just swoop in for the fun parts as a grandparent? 🤷‍♂️👴🧓 Here's to hoping science can help fast-track us to grandkid heaven! 🧪👶 #GrandparentGoals"

grandkids, hoping, humor, i, joke, kids, parenting, science, want, wish

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

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2 months ago

adult, adulthood, doing, doing stuff, Googling, humor, just, learning, life, life skills, reality, responsibility, skills, stuff
Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

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2 months ago

advice, bad, bad people, honesty, humor, people, promise, sure, tell, tomorrow
I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

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2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, borrowed, borrowed things, garage, garage sale, having, hope, humor, people, possessions, sale, selling, situation, things, thrift
Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

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2 months ago

anything, comfort, cozy, fuzzy, fuzzy sock, home, preparedness, ready, relaxation, sock, socks
I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

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2 months ago

favor, forehead, humor, order, people’s, sign, sticking, warning
You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

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2 months ago

anecdote, city, funny observation, great, humor, life, live, nature, observation, pigeon, seagull, urban, urban life, wildlife

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on Facebook this month:

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

46 shares on Discord this month:

Do you also have teenagers whose styling motto is: freeze to death for coolness?

19 shares on Pinterest this month:

They invented the word metallic, because irony was already taken.

38 shares on Facebook this month:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

68 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

61 shares on Instagram this month:

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

64 shares on Slack this month:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I get real disrespectful with serving sizes. A bag is not gonna tell me what to do.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

You’ve never burned music to a CD, and it shows.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

Sundays are weird. You want to relax, but your brain’s like, “Shouldn’t you be panicking about something?”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Just shared via YouTube:

My sleep schedule and I are not on speaking terms.

Trending via Discord:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Trending via Pinterest:

Coming back to your own bed after a few days away is peak coziness.

Just landed via Threads:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Breaking via YouTube:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

I’m in favor of sticking an “out of order” sign on some people’s foreheads. As a warning.

You live in a great city when you get pooped on by a seagull instead of a pigeon.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨