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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I need carpenters to remember that beds are also for sex. The aesthetics are great and all, but what is with all the squeaking?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

Cheesecake dislikers are attention seekers.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,589

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Making waves on Threads:

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

Just shared via Messenger:

The Secret Service was chasing me but I painted a tunnel on the side of a wall and they all ran into it.

Spotted on Reddit:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Making waves on YouTube:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Going viral on Instagram:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Just landed via Instagram:

Whatever you do today, do it with the confidence of a 4-year old wearing a Batman cape.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

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I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs the stress of parenting when you can just swoop in for the fun parts as a grandparent? 🤷‍♂️👴🧓 Here's to hoping science can help fast-track us to grandkid heaven! 🧪👶 #GrandparentGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

16 shares on Pinterest this month:

Life is full of questions. Idiots are full of answers.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

40 shares on YouTube this month:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

86 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

56 shares on Telegram this month:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

53 shares on Instagram this month:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I went to clean bathroom and I’m 99% sure my kids shoot their toothpaste out of a cannon.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

The guy who drills the holes so you can assemble IKEA furniture is clearly having problems at home.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,664

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Friendly reminder that someone having a different opinion about a movie than you is a direct attack on you as a person and you should take it very personally.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Starting an OnlyFans, but it’s just videos of me trying to use chopsticks.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

If two witches watched two watches, which witch would watch which watch? Each witch would watch which watch belonged to which witch’s wrist.

Live now on Telegram:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Shared recently on Twitch:

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

Shared recently on TikTok:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

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