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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Considering that doctors are never on time, they should tell you to come a half hour late, not early.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Is everyone enjoying their entire month of August off work with full pay? Oh yeah, I forgot, only Congress gets to do that.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I am an influencer. If you aren’t influenced in any way, that is on you. Do better.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,754

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Twitch:

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Spotted on YouTube:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Making waves on Reddit:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Just shared via Reddit:

My parents grew to like my girlfriend so much, they take her as their own daughter. Now they started looking for a proper boyfriend for her.

Live now on Facebook:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Freshly posted on Slack:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

Going viral on TikTok:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

Funny quote about romantic hopes, expressing playful desire for grandkids without wanting kids.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs the stress of parenting when you can just swoop in for the fun parts as a grandparent? 🤷‍♂️👴🧓 Here's to hoping science can help fast-track us to grandkid heaven! 🧪👶 #GrandparentGoals"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

65 shares on Instagram this month:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

47 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Not going is the new leaving early.

52 shares on WeChat this month:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

74 shares on Slack this month:

I end all my sentences with “Just saying..” because ending them with “You bonehead..” would probably be considered offensive.

67 shares on TikTok this month:

Is anyone else really scared for how stupid and illiterate the next generations are gonna be?

96 shares on Discord this month:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wanna marry someone funnier than me, but sadly, I am the funniest.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I got my superpowers when I was bitten by a radioactive idiot.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Cartoons make it look like getting stabbed in the butt with a pitchfork would be no big deal, but I beg to differ.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Ruined a Ferrari guy’s day today by telling him that I loved his Corvette.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe I’m wrong, but I still don’t think our parents realized how far we rode our bikes in the 80s and 90s.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I do enjoy watching the downfall of people who did me wrong.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Sarah Connor would be awfully disappointed in us all, letting this Grok into our lives.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I think probably the reason some people look better at 30 than at 20 is because they’re wealthier.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,670

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Remember, when asking for a raise, it is considered customary to be sober.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in this whirlpool of emotions over there.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Going viral on Slack:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Going bananas on Instagram:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Just landed via Facebook:

Not everyone realizes this, but if you clean the pile of receipts out of a purse and stack them together, it makes a teeny tiny book about why you’re broke.

Spotted on Twitch:

Men absolutely love buying the same shirt in four almost identical colors and saying, ‘Yep, that’ll do me for the next three years.’

Going viral on Telegram:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Winter hack: Avoid the cold by never leaving your house.

Spotted on Facebook:

“Because my hair is not done” is a very valid reason to decline an outing.

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