I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

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Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

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People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

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“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

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As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

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Hot girl in her 20s: It’s so weird, but I keep getting lucky, and everything works out in my favor.

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What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

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Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).