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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Actors in black and white movies were often putting their lives in danger during driving scenes, as they weren’t able to tell if the traffic light was red or green.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

I’d be a horrible stalker… I’m always late.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I was neglecting my root chakra at the time, your honor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Pinterest is so therapeutic. There’s no drama, no one to argue with. Just pretty pictures.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Just waiting for my laundry to be done so I can pop it in the dryer and forget about it again.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Going bananas on Discord:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Trending via Messenger:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Going viral on Twitch:

The amount of inappropriate thoughts I have is a little concerning.

Spotted on X:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Life is so exciting. I was in my bedroom and now I’m in the living room. Who knows where I’ll go next.

Making waves on Pinterest:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

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I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.
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Commentary:
Looks like your closet is ready for a philosophical debate! 🤔 Maybe it's time to break out that "existential crisis chic" outfit you've been saving for the perfect occasion! Who knew Nietzsche had insight into both philosophy and fashion dilemmas? Time to show that closet who's boss and strut your stuff on that date! 💃🕺

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Discord this month:

I’d make room in my pillow fort for you.

31 shares on Threads this month:

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

70 shares on TikTok this month:

The final level of being smart is just pretending you don’t know anything to make your life easier.

79 shares on Discord this month:

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

39 shares on Discord this month:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

43 shares on Slack this month:

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

92 shares on Discord this month:

A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

66 shares on Telegram this month:

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If she wants the moon, you get her the moon.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just remembered I can just get drunk after work instead of quitting. That was a close one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,689

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Took a good look at my finances. I won’t make that mistake again.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

My OnlyFans is just hours of me untangling Christmas lights.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Instagram:

The medicine for headache goes to the stomach to do what, exactly?

Shared recently on Twitch:

I’m having a bad day. Please send super-cute pics of your credit cards to cheer me up.

Going viral on Slack:

Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

Spotted on X:

Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Going viral on Threads:

Not to brag, but I can put my socks on without sitting down.

Making waves on Telegram:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Making waves on TikTok:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

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