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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

I’m going to sleep. Anyone want anything?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Teaching myself ukulele! Neighbor keeping the beat on my wall!

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at IKEA.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If we start dating now, we could be arguing on a road trip by August.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

Spotted on Twitch:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Making waves on Threads:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

Making waves on Messenger:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Just landed via Slack:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Going viral on Twitch:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Just landed via WeChat:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Parallel lines have got so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Playful quote about fashion dilemmas and existential closet introspection.
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Commentary:
Looks like your closet is ready for a philosophical debate! 🤔 Maybe it's time to break out that "existential crisis chic" outfit you've been saving for the perfect occasion! Who knew Nietzsche had insight into both philosophy and fashion dilemmas? Time to show that closet who's boss and strut your stuff on that date! 💃🕺

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Keep the laugh going 😂

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Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on X this month:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

34 shares on X this month:

Getting a second opinion about my Tamagotchi’s health.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

97 shares on Slack this month:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When women get to a certain weight, you’ll notice they change their social media profile pictures to flowers, cats, or dogs.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You can do that on your own.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,270

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

When I was little, I didn’t care what I wore. I just went along with what my parents chose. When I look in old photo albums, l realize that they didn’t care either.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I always bring a glass of water to bed with me so I have something to knock over in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Handing the bus driver a $50 bill and telling him “Just drive”.

Breaking via Messenger:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Trending via Messenger:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Just shared via Twitch:

I noticed my mouse problem is back an I yelled at my cats for being lazy and not doing their job, like I was in a Tom and Jerry cartoon.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I went from dancing with myself in the 80s to talking to myself now.

Freshly posted on X:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

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