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Looks like your closet is ready for a philosophical debate! 🤔 Maybe it's time to break out that "existential crisis chic" outfit you've been saving for the perfect occasion! Who knew Nietzsche had insight into both philosophy and fashion dilemmas? Time to show that closet who's boss and strut your stuff on that date! 💃🕺

back, closet, date, existentialism, fashion, humor, i, Nietzsche, nothing, outfit, preparation, stare, wear

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Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

2 months ago
complaints, conversation, daughter, giving, headache, humor, i, manufacturer, me, parenting, sarcasm, suggestions, today
Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

1 month ago
colleagues, entertainment, free, free entertainment, funny observation, humor, i, money, observation, spend, watch, workplace, workplace humor, zoo
The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

1 month ago
brain, delete, female, female brain, gone, humor, internet, memory, never, never gone, psychology, something, works
My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

1 month ago
before, fake, fake tan, funny moment, glasses, humor, husband, marriage, moment, tan, teeth
Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

1 month ago
face, humor, joke, middle, nose, pun, scenter, wordplay
You look like something I drew with my left hand.

1 month ago
appearance, art, drawing, funny appearance, hand, humor, i, insult, left, left hand, self-deprecation

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

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Imagine going to see a situationship in 1868, and you go outside, and your horse is dead as hell.

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Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

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In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

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Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

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Avoid calls from pesky bill collectors by not paying your phone bill.

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Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

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Just shared via YouTube:

I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Seen just now on Slack:

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

Trending via YouTube:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Making waves on Instagram:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Seen just now on Twitch:

People complain about jury duty as if listening to true crime all day and being sequestered at night isn’t secretly every mother’s fantasy.

Going viral on Telegram:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Trending via Instagram:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I’m sorry I said “Awooga” when you took off your clothes. Do you still want to have sexy time?

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”

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If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

I am half agony, half hope.

Forget all this adulting stuff, let’s bring back Saturday morning cartoons.

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

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I have a date and nothing to wear. Or as Nietzsche said: If you stare into a closet long enough, the closet stares back at you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Why would I spend money on the zoo when I can watch my colleagues for free?

The female brain works like the internet. You can delete something, but it’s never really gone.

My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.

Your nose is in the middle of your face because it is the scenter.

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

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