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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

There is no reason to be a people pleaser. People are never pleased.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I’m not sure my body can handle much more of this “getting out of bed” nonsense.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Sorry it took so long to text you back; my social bandwidth was buffering.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

Keeping a picture of my bed in a locket around my neck and staring at it longingly on my lunch break.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

If the zombie apocalypse happens we’re double screwed because there are millions on record as having no brain.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,730

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Most men don’t actually want to do things; they just want to talk about doing them.

Live now on Slack:

You think you’re cool and then you see a video of yourself running.

Just landed via Pinterest:

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now, these bills got me afraid of the light.

Making waves on Slack:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Breaking via Telegram:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

Breaking via Instagram:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Shared recently on Twitch:

You can fake an American accent all you want, but “literally” will expose you.

Going bananas on Discord:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

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I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.
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Commentary:
Just waiting for the sun to bring me coffee and whisper sweet nothings before reality hits ☕🌅💞

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

41 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

71 shares on YouTube this month:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

96 shares on X this month:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

I believe in you. I also believe in Bigfoot so don’t get too excited.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I were a mouse, I’d say things like “cheesed to meet you”.

97 shares on Slack this month:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

35 shares on X this month:

Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Horoscope: You will give blood generously this week, but it won’t be your idea.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Aura is the real business card.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I am AOL Instant Messenger years old.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,419

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Whoever said “Out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear in their bedroom.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

I always knew I’d get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

The dumbest thing about YouTube ads is how they seem to think that I’m a moron.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s. A random back pain will be assigned to you shortly, and you’ll never know what flares it up every time.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Dear music, thanks!

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Don’t wait for later to eat the cake. Do it now, before another mammal of your household finds it.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Getting sent money you didn’t ask for is very sexy.

Making waves on Messenger:

A person’s character can be read quite reliably from the way he or she interacts with service personnel.

Just shared via X:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I grew up in a kinder, gentler age. We pitied our fools.

Just shared via Facebook:

If a billionaire is telling you to vote for someone, it’s probably in your best interest to vote for the other person.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I just want someone who can read a book with me in silence, and then do ungodly things sometimes.

Live now on Twitch:

You don’t need to be a good listener as long as you’re a good nodder.

Shared recently on YouTube:

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

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