45 funny bit quotes - Wordgag

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

May 25, 2026May 25, 2026

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

May 25, 2026

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

May 24, 2026

Doing my bit for the evolution of the human race by eating lots of carbs and never exercising. We will adapt!

May 24, 2026

Me at war: You guys mind if I leave a bit early today?

May 23, 2026

Dentist appointments are so weird. “Hi, nice to meet you, could you root around in my mouth for a bit?”

May 23, 2026

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

May 23, 2026

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

May 23, 2026

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

May 22, 2026

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

May 22, 2026

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

May 22, 2026

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

May 22, 2026

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

May 22, 2026

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

May 21, 2026

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

May 21, 2026

Bit strange that the same culture is responsible for both kissing and onion soup. You’d think they’d be incompatible.

May 21, 2026

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

May 21, 2026

Kids are like pancakes. The first one is always a bit strange.

May 21, 2026

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

May 21, 2026

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

May 20, 2026May 20, 2026

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

May 20, 2026

If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

May 19, 2026

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

May 19, 2026

Performative male is kinda just a rebrand of metrosexual, which is just a way to say a straight guy is a little bit faggy.

May 19, 2026

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

May 19, 2026

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

May 18, 2026

This entire year I was method acting. None of it was real. I was working on a bit.

Apr 1, 2026

You will meet a girl who is very strange and a little bit evil. It’s really important that you don’t lose me.

Apr 1, 2026

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

Apr 1, 2026

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Apr 1, 2026

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

Apr 1, 2026

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

Apr 1, 2026

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Mar 31, 2026

I think fathers lose their mind a little bit when they realize their daughters aren’t as forgiving as their wives.

Mar 31, 2026

The early bird gets to cry for a little bit longer in the work parking lot.

Mar 31, 2026

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Mar 31, 2026

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Mar 31, 2026

I like my mornings to be slow and quiet. I want the day to romance me a bit before it tries to mess me up.

Mar 31, 2026

Being loved right feels like telepathy and a little bit of witchcraft.

Mar 30, 2026

If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

Mar 30, 2026