Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

My five-year plan only requires a few acts of God.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

Sometimes I apologize to my car when I hit a pothole.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

“Are you free tomorrow?” No, tomorrow I’m still expensive.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Feels like if cicadas are allowed to just sit in a tree and scream, I should also be.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Dec 23, 2025

3,650

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Taking Adderall before going to lay on the beach so I can focus more on having a good time.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Whoops, accidentally said I couldn’t make it before they even said the date.

Live now on Telegram:

I don’t expect everything handed to me, just set it down outside my door.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

Spreading quickly via X:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Live now on Reddit:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Trending via Telegram:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

Seen just now on X:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Breaking via Slack:

Friendly reminder that double negatives are a big no-no.

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

2 months ago

0

I like to describe the difference between theory and practice with shopping lists and receipts.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Theory: making a shopping list with colorful markers and fancy stationery 📝🌟 Practice: looking at your crumpled receipt while digging through the grocery bags for that one missing item 🛒🧐 The reality always has a way of sneaking up on us! 😆#TheoryVsPractice #LifeLessons

comparison, describe, difference, everyday, everyday life, humor, i, life, list, practice, receipt, shopping, shopping list, theory

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

0

2 months ago

delivery, gift, gift to self, humor, i, joy, love, me, online, online shopping, present, self, self-gift, shopping, shopping joy, surprises, things
If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

0

2 months ago

compliment, fog, funny moment, glasses, humor, me, moment, self-esteem
I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

0

2 months ago

brain, drive, forget, humor, i, swear, swear word, word, words
Video games are great. They let you try out your craziest fantasies. For example, on The Sims, you can have a job and a house.

0

2 months ago

activity, creativity, example, fantasy, fun, fun activity, game, games, great, house, job, let, Sims, simulation, The Sims, try, video, video game
I’m sorry for setting the impossible standards that the rest of you try to live up to.

0

1 month ago

apology, arrogance, confidence, exaggeration, humor, impossible, live, rest, sarcasm, self-deprecating, setting, sorry, standards, try
You’ll never be as lazy as the person who named the fireplace.

0

2 months ago

fireplace, humor, irony, lazy, naming, never, person, procrastination

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t get vegetables on my pizza because I don’t like mixing business with pleasure.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

72 shares on Instagram this month:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

21 shares on Slack this month:

Workplace Wrapped: you had 60k minutes of meetings this year that could’ve been an email.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

92 shares on Threads this month:

Honestly, will never top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween, and then didn’t show up to the party.

31 shares on Instagram this month:

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

45 shares on X this month:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“Doing the dishes” is completely pointless and only wastes water. You’re just going to put food on them again in a few hours.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,757

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

The three people who like every single one of my posts are going in my will.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

My favorite dance move is trying to get out of my own way.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Could you set a lightsaber on low and use it as a back scratcher?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

I like listening to true crime podcasts while I clean my bathroom because I can pretend I’m destroying evidence.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

If someone steals your joke, you have to file a LOLsuit.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

Seen just now on Instagram:

When I get filthy rich, I will stay humble by continuing to use grocery bags as bathroom trash bags.

Freshly posted on X:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

Just shared via Telegram:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Just landed via YouTube:

The first thing you need to know about social media is that everyone’s on vacation, except for you.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Me, literally climbing out of a dumpster: Can I give you some personal advice?

Making waves on Instagram:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴