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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Men be like, “But I’m different.” Yeah, a different type of disappointment.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,371

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Live now on Facebook:

I don’t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Going bananas on YouTube:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Seen just now on Discord:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Freshly posted on X:

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

Just shared via Twitch:

I was going to buy my wife a car for Christmas but then I remembered I don’t live in a commercial.

Just shared via Threads:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

3 weeks ago

Humorous quote about feeling prepared for prison after watching reruns of Shawshank Redemption.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, so you're preparing for a potential stint in the big house, huh? 🤣🏛️ Just remember, life in prison isn't all movie marathons and popcorn – but hey, at least you'll have some stellar Shawshank Redemption quotes ready to go! 🍿#LifeGoals #PrisonPrep

able, basic, basic cable, cable, comedy, experience, feel, film, i, irony, movy, prison, reruns, Shawshank, watching

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on TikTok this month:

Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

92 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

90 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Opposites often not only attract each other, they often also undress each other.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

38 shares on Discord this month:

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

63 shares on Slack this month:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

34 shares on X this month:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

93 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

22 shares on Threads this month:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part about getting added to a group chat is leaving two weeks later.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Home is where you trust the toilet seat.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I would prefer not to.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

No, I don’t want to read the article first, I want to argue now.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,563

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

The older I get, the more I start to understand the appeal of birdwatching as a hobby. I do find myself watching these little troublemakers quite often.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

“Do you like the Microsoft Teams app?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

A guy who never leaves his apartment so he can get the maximum value out of his rent.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

Seen just now on Threads:

How did they call Deadpool’s dog ‘Dogpool’ when ‘Deadpoodle’ was right there?

Spotted on YouTube:

Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

Making waves on Reddit:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Breaking via X:

Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Going bananas on Twitch:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The reason the world felt like a better place during your childhood is because you were a child.

Going viral on Instagram:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

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