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Oh, so you're preparing for a potential stint in the big house, huh? 🤣🏛️ Just remember, life in prison isn't all movie marathons and popcorn – but hey, at least you'll have some stellar Shawshank Redemption quotes ready to go! 🍿#LifeGoals #PrisonPrep

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

1 month ago
bathe, even, fish, humor, joke, life, marine, much, stink, whole
Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

4 weeks ago
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I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

4 months ago
ago, animal, animals, better, cat, cat owner, easily, failure, food, giving, holy, humor, i, judge, just, organ, organ failure, owner, pet, pets, shit, starve, stubborn, taste, time, too, used, weeks, whim
I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

1 month ago
alarm, angry, bed, early, enough, extra, having, humor, i, lay, management, morning, morning routine, procrastination, routine, set, sure, time, time management, wake, wake up
It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

1 month ago
account, bank, bank account, basket, chores, daily, daily life, filled, financial, financial struggle, humor, irony, laundry, laundry basket, life, money, nice, relatable, struggle
Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

1 month ago
humor, idiot, posts, realization, realize, self-deprecation, sense, start, understanding

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Of course I wrote a grocery list. I carefully wrote it all down and then didn’t bring it with me, like my mother and her mother before her.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Mixed signals mean they don’t like you like that. It’s that simple.

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We literally used to write an essay by hand.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m so talented I can not only spill food on my clothes but I can get it on yours too.

Spotted on Facebook:

Don’t understand why electricians aren’t called power rangers, but okay.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Going viral on Threads:

I woke up alive again.

Just shared via Telegram:

“I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok,” yeah, well, I wipe away the hours conversing with the flowers.

Just landed via YouTube:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

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I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

Being alone is my favourite way of being.

4 out 3 people struggle with math.

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Phone is a cigarette for eyes.

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

I believe in Bigfoot because Bigfoot believes in me.

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

My boss was like, “People working from home are just pretending to work,” and it’s like, dude, what do you think I’m doing in the office?

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Coworker: Where are you going after work? Me: Away from you.

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Sorry, I can’t come. I’m still recovering from the last time I went out.

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

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I now feel I’ve watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I’ll be able to successfully make it in prison.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

I used to judge cat owners for giving in to their pets’ whims too easily, but holy shit, these animals are relentless and would starve themselves to organ failure just because one time, weeks ago, they had a taste of some ‘better’ food.

I set my alarms extra early to make sure I have enough time to lay in bed and be angry about having to wake up.

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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