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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Heyyyyyy (with the worst of intentions).

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

My favorite pastime is looking for meaning where there is none.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

When people are telling me a story about their life it often reminds me of a much better story from my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,303

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on X:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Making waves on Twitch:

I can’t wait to buy Chanel bags on a random Tuesday for me and my friends.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I’m just a girl looking for another snack.

Trending via Messenger:

Gonna close my bank account and keep all my money on me, like Sonic the Hedgehog.

Trending via Snapchat:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Therapy is cool but singing as loud as you can in your car is free.

Just shared via WeChat:

It’s not jingling to you that I’m standing on Christmas.

Spotted on Twitch:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

2 months ago

0

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Explorers searching for new worlds vs. husbands searching for butter… a historic tale of navigation struggles! 🌎🧳🗺️ Let's hope the next expedition leads them to the Land of the Lost Butter! 🚀🤷‍♂️🍞 #LostInSpaceAndRefrigerators"

butter, continents, cooking, discovery, even, fridge, humor, i, irony, men, mine, relationship, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I see why grandmas used to cook dinner at 3 p.m. and sit down the rest of the day.

0

4 months ago

3, afternoon, cook, day, dinner, grandma, humor, i, old fashioned, relaxation, rest, sit, used, why
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

0

2 months ago

arrange, beat, cleverness, competition, humor, strategy, wit
Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

0

2 months ago

child, harmonica, humor, instructions, instrument, joke, kid, missing, misunderstanding, musical, musical instrument, parenting, work
If I say “with all due respect,” nothing respectful is about to come out of my mouth.

0

2 months ago

communication, due, humor, i, irony, mouth, nothing, phrase, respect, sarcasm, say, speech
And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

0

2 months ago

alcohol, drinking, honesty, humor, say, think, vodka, whisper
I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

0

2 months ago

app, bet, calculator, humor, i, pretty, shame, wrap, wrapped

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

76 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

55 shares on Messenger this month:

Being a toddler’s favorite person is what real love actually looks like.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

87 shares on Snapchat this month:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

12 shares on Slack this month:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I’ll eventually be able to get back in it.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite color is money.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,593

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Fun prank: make people study for 16 years, and then don’t give them jobs.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

This going into the office stuff blows. Like, I seriously have to wear clothes now.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

How do you know I’m not just a figment of your imagination?

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I am single, please disturb me!

Just landed via YouTube:

I wonder how my close personal beloved friend Taylor Swift is doing today.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

This is my phone. I text back when I want to.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Relationship Status: just tried to pet my dog and he turned his head so I pretended I was reaching for a leaf that was next to him.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

Spotted on Discord:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Shared recently on Slack:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Making waves on Snapchat:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Shared recently on WeChat:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Candy companies will look you straight in the eye and lie about how they know what a banana tastes like.

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