28 funny mine quotes - Wordgag

At the doctor’s office, booing all the names being called that aren’t mine.

May 30, 2026

A friend of mine decided to cut all the toxic people out of his life, or so I was informed.

May 30, 2026

I made soup while whispering “He was never mine,” like it’s 1893, and I just lost my beloved to a duel.

May 30, 2026

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

May 30, 2026

Jane Austen gave us men who crossed fields in the rain. Mine left me on read, and liked someone else’s story.

May 30, 2026

What’s y’all’s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. That’s my boy. That’s my big dawg.

May 29, 2026

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

May 29, 2026

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

May 28, 2026

My new phone is being delivered by Amazon, which means that I can track its movements for a day before it tracks mine for five years.

May 27, 2026

Y’all can keep the nonchalant ones — I want mine weak in the knees about me.

May 26, 2026

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

May 26, 2026

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

May 24, 2026

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

May 24, 2026

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

May 23, 2026

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

May 23, 2026

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

May 23, 2026

“I’m not ordering fries, I’ll just eat some of yours!” -Former friends of mine

May 22, 2026

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

May 22, 2026

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

May 22, 2026

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

May 22, 2026

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

May 21, 2026

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

May 21, 2026

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

May 21, 2026

Everyone has their talents. Mine is picking the checkout line filled with people who apparently have never gone through a checkout line before in their life.

May 21, 2026

I often wonder how men could discover entire continents. Mine can’t even find the butter in the fridge.

May 21, 2026

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

May 21, 2026

For Halloween, you should be mine.

May 20, 2026

Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

May 20, 2026