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At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Funny Quotes November 7, 2024

I was actually about to do a workout when the couch threw itself protectively under me.

Funny Quotes November 7, 2024

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

Funny Quotes November 7, 2024

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Funny Quotes November 7, 2024

I’ve had so much tea trying to get rid of this cold that I’m now speaking with a British accent and am fascinated with the Royal family.

Funny Quotes November 7, 2024

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Funny Quotes November 7, 2024

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

Funny Quotes November 7, 2024

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Funny Quotes November 7, 2024

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

Funny Quotes November 7, 2024

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Funny Quotes November 6, 2024