38 funny etiquette quotes - Wordgag

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

May 21, 2026

Old people be like, “No elbows on the table, it’s rude,” then say something racist.

May 20, 2026

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

May 20, 2026

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

May 19, 2026

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

May 19, 2026

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

Apr 1, 2026

Someone needs to invent a theater seat that forcefully ejects you through the roof if you take your phone out during a movie.

Apr 1, 2026

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Apr 1, 2026

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

Apr 1, 2026

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Apr 1, 2026

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Apr 1, 2026

My most boomer complaint is that nobody knows how to bring an item out of courtesy to parties anymore.

Mar 31, 2026

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Mar 31, 2026

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Mar 31, 2026

Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn’t be allowed to talk.

Mar 31, 2026

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Mar 31, 2026

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Mar 30, 2026

Deleting the paragraph you wrote and texting back “ok” is a different type of self-control.

Mar 30, 2026

Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.

Mar 30, 2026

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Mar 30, 2026

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Mar 30, 2026

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Mar 30, 2026

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Mar 30, 2026

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Mar 30, 2026

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

Mar 30, 2026

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

Mar 29, 2026

At the job interview with one AirPod in.

Mar 29, 2026

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Mar 29, 2026

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Mar 28, 2026

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

Mar 27, 2026

Dear people who talk on speakerphone out in public. Everyone around you hates you.

Mar 27, 2026

Rule number 1 at a concert: Don’t sing while filming!

Mar 26, 2026

There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.

Mar 26, 2026

Instead of hairstyles and make-up, there should be YouTube tutorials on polite behavior.

Mar 26, 2026

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Mar 25, 2026

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Mar 25, 2026

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Mar 25, 2026

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Mar 24, 2026