Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry if my posts have any typos, it’s because I’m driving.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Would pay $10 a month for Summer Premium Package without wasps.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

80 years ago we would have all been institutionalized and I think that’s beautiful.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

One or the other, Lord – I can’t be broke and heartbroken.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

32 minutes ago

3,439

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Trending via Messenger:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theater.

Shared recently on Threads:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Spotted on Messenger:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

No, no, I’m listening, it just takes me some time to process so much stupidity all at once.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Making waves on Threads:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Making waves on Reddit:

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

4 months ago

I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.

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Commentary:
"Ah, the thrill of living dangerously in the world of spontaneous speech! Who needs a script when you can keep yourself and others on their toes with your verbal acrobatics? It's like a game of linguistic roulette – will it be a gem or a gaffe? Stay tuned, folks!"

communication, humor, self-awareness, speaking, spontaneity, surprise, thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

789 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,951

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,951

32 minutes ago

3,445

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Once again, I have fallen for life’s biggest scam: being two hours early for a flight only for security to take roughly seven minutes.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

…and so ends another week of me not becoming unexpectedly rich.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I can’t believe the gall of this bladder.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Broadcasted on Messenger:

How long does it take for an apple to turn brown after you cut it? Never mind.

Spotted on Pinterest:

The guy in the stall beside doesn’t know he can shut off his camera shutter.

Just shared via WeChat:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Just shared via Messenger:

Ever look at someone and think you could spend the rest of your life saying “What?” to this person?

Just landed via Telegram:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Live now on Discord:

You know Santa isn’t real because no man over 40 is out past 9PM.

Breaking via Instagram:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

Spotted on Slack:

The season is back when women are 80% scarf.

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