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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Every job is either 8 hours of getting exposed to cancer-causing chemicals or 8 hours of staring at a Microsoft Excel sheet.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

“Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight!” Okay, then explain bayonets to me.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

I feel a deep connection to librarians because I also love telling people to shut up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

Just landed via Snapchat:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Once again, I was not nominated for an Oscar this morning for acting my way through life.

Trending via Discord:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

Live now on WeChat:

It sucks that crazy people ruined wearing tinfoil hats for those of us that just did it for fashion purposes.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

Shared recently on Slack:

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the ultimate retirement plan – moving in with your successful kids! 🏠💸 Just make sure they have a big enough couch for you to crash on! 😜🛋️"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on WeChat this month:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

73 shares on Threads this month:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You’ll be watching a series, and they’ll just randomly start playing the best song you’ve ever heard in your life.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can stand me, you deserve me!

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does it take 5-7 days to refund me when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,499

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Humans should grow a new set of teeth in our 30s to make-up for all the poor decisions in our 20s.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has bookmarked:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Ever since I turned 20, someone is always in Japan or Italy. Is it like this forever?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Nothing really prepares you for when your favorite sweatpants begin to fall apart.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Drove by a woman with her car broke down, I was going to stop and help until I remembered I don’t know anything about cars or women.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Seen just now on Messenger:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Just shared via Twitch:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

Spotted on Telegram:

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Seen just now on Slack:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Going viral on Facebook:

My doctor told me to try a milk bath. Adding the Cinnamon Toast Crunch was my idea.

Breaking via Facebook:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

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