I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

85 shares on Threads this month:

I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on the bus do not go round and round.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

59 shares on Messenger this month:

Went on a date with a guy who didn’t ask me any questions about myself, so it’s on him when he finds out about my husband.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Silicon Valley has taken over the world. Remember when nerds had the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?

72 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.