Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I don’t think people are actually getting any dumber. I think stupid people have just become way more confident.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I really can’t wait until it all works out.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

If you put a pizza on top of a pizza, you have two pizzas. But if you stack two lasagnas, then you still have one lasagna.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t think you all understand. If Taylor Swift didn’t have a private jet, she’d be Taylor Slow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,719

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Stages of Christmas shopping: 1. There’s plenty of time. 2. Oh no!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Live now on Messenger:

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

Live now on Facebook:

With me, it isn’t Netflix & chill. It’s Prime & panic.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.

Making waves on Telegram:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Seen just now on Threads:

I appreciate all clouds. Fluffy, non-fluffy… it’s how Bob Ross would’ve wanted it.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Just shared via Slack:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew doors needed manners? 🚪🙄🤷‍♂️

again, determination, door, going, humor, just, motivation, open, persistence

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

0

2 months ago

encouragement, humor, listen, little, password, security, strong, technology
A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

0

2 months ago

asking, awkward, awkward situation, fact, full, fun, fun fact, haunted, haunted house, house, humor, icebreaker, interaction, just, people, room, situation, social, social interaction, tell, yourself
My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

0

3 months ago

customer, customer experience, driver, experience, five, humor, me, rating, ride, silence, stars, talk, transportation, try, Uber
I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

0

2 months ago

coming, daily, daily life, getting, going, home, humor, life, procrastination, ready, routine, sleep, thinking, wanting, work
It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

0

2 months ago

amazing, culture, fandom, future, humor, irony, mad, Mad Max, max, people, pop, pop culture, prospect, rave, same, sci-fi, star, Star Trek, Star Wars, sure, time, trek, wars
Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

0

2 months ago

activity, child, cleaning, fun, fun activity, home, organization, parent, parents, playdate, socialization, visit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on X this month:

I hate it when my pillow is not pillowing like it should. You have one job. Be a pillow man. You are pillow. Act like one!

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

31 shares on Slack this month:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

44 shares on Slack this month:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

49 shares on Discord this month:

If you live in the same hemisphere as me, you’ve probably already heard me sneeze.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

19 shares on Telegram this month:

Unfortunately, I’m not nonchalant or mysterious. I’m just a naturally awkward person who becomes talkative once I’m comfortable.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

I just need a little time to warm up to you, and then I’ll be super fun, I promise—1-2 years at most.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

You can’t spell dyslexia without sexy.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

You can’t spell crypto without “cry”.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Does anyone else run a used match under water before disposing of it because you’re afraid it still has some fire left in it, or are you normal?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Going viral on Telegram:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Making waves on Discord:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I could never work in an aquarium. I would have a penguin under my shirt at the end of the shift.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Making waves on Discord:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Spotted on Threads:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Just landed via X:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

It’s amazing how so many people can rave about Star Wars or Star Trek and at the same time make sure that the only realistic future prospect is Mad Max.

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨