If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

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I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

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Can everyone please turn their A/C off during the day, we need that power to generate images of people with eight fingers.

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A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

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You can eat cheesecake for breakfast if you want to. No one can stop you. The police can’t even stop you.

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You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

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I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

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Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

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We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

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Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

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I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.