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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡จ has copied:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has copied:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ณ has downloaded:

Got fired on my first day working at the drugstore for calling my new coworkers ‘my pharmily’.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

My husband doesn’t find it nearly as amusing as I do when I sing, “Someday My Prince Will Come,” while I’m cleaning.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ท has viewed:

You’ve agreed to go out with me, so that’s going to immediately count against you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has shared:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ณ has bookmarked:

My body is a temple. An ancient, creaky temple with questionable plumbing.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has viewed:

I’m not lazy. I just give my couch the love it deserves.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,691

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Messenger:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Live now on Slack:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Spotted on Instagram:

โ€œHey you!โ€ is short for โ€œI have no idea what your name is.โ€

Trending via Pinterest:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now Iโ€™m fat and dumb.

Trending via Instagram:

Never understood when the movie rating says โ€œMay contain nudity.โ€ Are there people on the ratings board who arenโ€™t sure if they just saw someone naked?

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Waiting patiently for something good to happen, like that goat in Jurassic Park.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, โ€œNo one helps me around here!โ€

Spotted on Pinterest:

Her: how are you still single? Me: it’s easier than you think.

Just shared via Reddit:

Spiraling out of control if anyone wants anything.

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

0
If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
Oh, the scandalous secret life of calculators! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿงฎ Imagine the questionable calculations it has witnessed… If only it could spill the beans like a browser history! ๐Ÿ•ต๏ธโ€โ™‚๏ธ Just what kind of math mischief have you been up to? ๐Ÿค”๐Ÿคซ

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

Social Media Stars โญ

37 shares on Slack this month:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

I have a condition that prevents me from dieting. It’s called being hungry.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

10 shares on WeChat this month:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

63 shares on Slack this month:

Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

42 shares on Threads this month:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

34 shares on TikTok this month:

I named my eraser Confidence because it gets smaller after every mistake I make.

98 shares on Slack this month:

Some people come into your life to remind you why you don’t wanna let anyone into your life.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Give yourself time to heal. A couple of decades should do it.

18 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

9 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

19 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Driving a newer car is like “Oh weird, this one doesn’t have Shake on Highway, maybe they stopped making that feature”.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

So tomorrow is Monday again? I can’t keep living like this.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Aliens traveled millions of light years to get here to visit New Jersey.

25 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™ve got 50 minutes to make it look like Iโ€™ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ซ๐Ÿ‡ฎ has bookmarked:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

I wish I had a friend like me.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ช has bookmarked:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡น has viewed:

The prime minister is a minister that is not divisible by any other minister.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

Hey (with the intention of going to sleep).

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has bookmarked:

To the people who have only fans, whatโ€™s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ด has copied:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฟ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

โ€œYouโ€™ve changed!โ€ Yeah, I donโ€™t like you.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฏ has copied:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Spotted on Telegram:

None of this is happening. Itโ€™s all in your phone.

Just shared via Instagram:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I canโ€™t do this anymore.

Live now on X:

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

Making waves on Snapchat:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Live now on X:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Just landed via Slack:

If I say I love you, itโ€™s just the apocalypse talking.

Making waves on Instagram:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Shared recently on Threads:

Pesto is just an Italian word that means “produced by pounding”, so in a way we are all pesto.

Trending via Twitch:

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Worst feeling in the world is when you are loyal to all your girlfriends but your favorite one is cheating on you.

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