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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

I can easily spot a wolf in sheep’s clothing but this guy was dressed like my grandmother which threw me off.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,458

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

Engaging in deforestation (trimming my bush).

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Someone asked, “Can I bum a scroll?” because they deleted Instagram off their phone.

Breaking via Messenger:

Can I just skip to the part in my life where I’m rich and happily in love?

Going viral on YouTube:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

Trending via Snapchat:

Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Best thing about staying in an Airbnb is trying to see what’s in that one locked closet.

Going viral on WeChat:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24 hours, I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Home is where the clothes rack stands in the way.

Trending via Threads:

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

Just shared via Telegram:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

2 weeks ago

Funny quote about calculators and embarrassing browser histories, playful and witty in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the scandalous secret life of calculators! 😂🧮 Imagine the questionable calculations it has witnessed… If only it could spill the beans like a browser history! 🕵️‍♂️ Just what kind of math mischief have you been up to? 🤔🤫

browser, calculator, embarrassing, history, humor, technology

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Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Twitch this month:

I lied, there’s no sex. Stand over there and tell me if this painting I’m hanging is straight.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

38 shares on Slack this month:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

Mambo No. 5, but it’s in a minor key, and I’m naming women who didn’t text me back.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People who work in retail should be allowed to slap a customer or two each Christmas, as a little treat.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Even at my most powerful, I’m still a little sleepy.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“I asked ChatGPT.” Okay, well, I asked my mom.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

You wear a white shirt and all of a sudden everybody wants to go eat spaghetti.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,708

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Shit posting is cheaper than therapy.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Trending via Threads:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

Live now on Instagram:

Men need women, women need men. The end.

Just shared via TikTok:

If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.

Making waves on TikTok:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

Spotted on Telegram:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Live now on WhatsApp:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Just shared via Messenger:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

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