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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Me: I have a cut under my fingernail. Universe: Excellent, I will send you an unusually high number of encounters with citrus fruit.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Jan 5, 2026

3,602

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

I miss my Dad opening the windows and talking about cross-ventilation.

Just shared via Messenger:

My wallet is empty, just like my soul.

Going viral on Pinterest:

In banana years, I am bread.

Just shared via YouTube:

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Going bananas on X:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Shared recently on Messenger:

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

2 months ago

0

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the scandalous secret life of calculators! 😂🧮 Imagine the questionable calculations it has witnessed… If only it could spill the beans like a browser history! 🕵️‍♂️ Just what kind of math mischief have you been up to? 🤔🤫

browser, calculator, embarrassing, history, humor, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

0

5 months ago

everything, heroine, humor, midweek, novel, questioning, questions, reflection, stares, Wednesday, where, window
I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, dog, follow, humor, loyalty, misunderstanding, outside, pet, relationship
Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

0

2 months ago

annoying, bed, dark, humor, i, just, morning, sleep, tomorrow, waking, waking up
Sorry, I liked your post one second after you posted it but in my defense, I’ve had my phone in my hand since 2012.

0

2 months ago

2012, after, apology, defense, hand, humor, i, media, phone, post, second, social, social media, sorry, time
“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

0

5 months ago

adult, aging, confusion, forgetfulness, forgetting, humor, i, memory, room, too, walking, why, young, young adult
I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

0

3 months ago

growth, humor, motivation, much, personal, personal growth, progress, self-deprecating, work, work in progress

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

84 shares on Messenger this month:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

81 shares on X this month:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

89 shares on Slack this month:

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

39 shares on Discord this month:

Y’all liking my posts feels like a little forehead kiss.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Does anyone else feel like their brain has a hundred tabs open at once?

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to brag but I walked into a room and remembered why I walked in.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Signing all emails with BOOM SHAKALAKA today.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I watch people do their jobs, and I’m like, damn, you might benefit from a little imposter syndrome, actually.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,524

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

It’s way too easy to lie online. I was just telling Beyoncé about that the other day.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I want a small, tasteful wedding. No family. No friends. No groom. Just me eating a big cake.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

My nephew asks so many questions that Alexa just told him it’s okay to bathe with the toaster.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Millennials aren’t having kids because no one’s made lo-fi hip-hop beats to yell at your kids to.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Freshly posted on Discord:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Basketball’s all like “gimme that pumpkin, I need it” and golf is all like “***k this egg, imma hit it into the sun”

Going viral on Threads:

Bad news. Right now is as young as you’re going to be.

Spotted on X:

It seems a little unfair that the people who want to go to bed have to put the people to bed who don’t want to go to bed.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.

Making waves on WeChat:

Grab your own butt! Love yourself!

Seen just now on Slack:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Going viral on Telegram:

Do you mind if I smash this object of great sentimental value?

Seen just now on Discord:

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

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