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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡น has bookmarked:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡พ has viewed:

Iโ€™m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ฆ has shared:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has bookmarked:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ง has copied:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ต has downloaded:

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฌ has downloaded:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡จ has viewed:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ธ has downloaded:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,703

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Seen just now on Messenger:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Just shared via Slack:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didnโ€™t have condoms.

Live now on X:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were โ€œsigns of a struggleโ€.

Going viral on TikTok:

After an hour on this team meeting Iโ€™m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I need a weighted blanket that wonโ€™t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Trending via X:

My brain cells, skin cells and hair cells continue to die, but my fat cells seem to have an eternal life.

Making waves on X:

Maybe I’ll quit so I can focus on summer.

Spotted on TikTok:

Can we not just call it Zealand now?

Just shared via WeChat:

I keep saying, “It is what it is,” but what even is it?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I’d just laugh and search with them.

Witty and playful text about humorously outsmarting burglars in a lighthearted way.
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Commentary:
"If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them. It's like a twisted scavenger hunt where the prize is realizing I'm broke!"

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

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Social Media Stars โญ

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

One year of friendship, and Iโ€™ve not seen your breasts? Are we really friends?

17 shares on WeChat this month:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

27 shares on X this month:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

10 shares on Messenger this month:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please donโ€™t.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Extrovert self made too many plans and now introvert self is pissed.

100 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

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Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The only thing that could possibly put a smile on my face is a Sharpie.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

“Left alone” would have been the right answer as a child to the question of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I just locked eyes with a spider. But instead of killing him I ran away and hid, so he can spend the night stressing about where I am.

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

My goal for this year is just to make sure the aliens know Iโ€™m on their side.

20 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

7 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise weโ€™d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

22 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Iโ€™m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

13 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,582

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ช has downloaded:

Best threesome: me, my bed and my pillow.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

Withholding sex from you people isnโ€™t working.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ท has downloaded:

I donโ€™t think fish should be allowed to eat other fish. I don’t know. Just seems weird. Thatโ€™s like your coworker, dude.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡น has copied:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ท has copied:

We used to burn CDs like we were running an underground record label.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ท has shared:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฏ has shared:

The Netflix โ€œRecommended For Youโ€ list is why I have trust issues.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡ฌ has shared:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has copied:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the โ€˜why canโ€™t we print more moneyโ€™ conversation.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I have a lot to offer! Most of itโ€™s bad, but itโ€™s still a lot.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Making waves on Twitch:

Deleting my mental health to focus on social media.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Ponytails are only hot on women, bro.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I love when people start getting filler, and instead of looking younger, it’s just like okay, your face is getting really, really big in all directions.

Just shared via Threads:

To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Just landed via Slack:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who wonโ€™t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

Breaking via Slack:

Sometimes the laugh is funnier than the joke itself.

Just landed via Facebook:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Trending via Messenger:

I think my wife has got early Alzheimer’s. Every day she tells me that she has no idea what she first saw in me.

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