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🔑 "If you ever find yourself locked out of your house, don't panic! Just strike up a friendly conversation with your stubborn lock. Remember, communication is key in all relationships – even with inanimate objects!" 😉 Unlock your way back in with some smooth talk!

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Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

1 month ago
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The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

1 month ago
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Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

1 month ago
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Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

1 month ago
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Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

1 month ago
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I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

1 month ago
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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

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Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

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No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

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The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

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In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

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Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

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Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

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Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Seen just now on Twitch:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Shared recently on Threads:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

Freshly posted on TikTok:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Ctrl Alt delete my fat.

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Activity Log ✨

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.

Have you tried complaining about it?

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

I love people who refuse to follow the crowd. The crowd is always lost, follow your inner compass.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The words I can’t wait to hear someday, “I’m sorry, Mom, you were right about everything.”

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

People see me spending money and think I’m rich. No, bro, I’m just irresponsible.

You know who else works in mysterious ways? Me.

Doing dishes is like fighting a hydra — wash one, and two more appear.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

That awkward moment when a zombie looking for brains walks right past you.

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If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Canadian Thanksgiving isn’t the same day as Thanksgiving in the US because Canadians already put gravy on everything every day.

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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