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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Christmas is the season of giving, and I’m giving up for good.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with Face ID?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

849 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,011

Funny Quotes Topics

13,947

Funny Quotes Images

11,011

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,423

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Most women need a little reassurance. Like when she says “oh, you want to see crazy?” Reassure her that you do not.

Just landed via WeChat:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Going viral on Telegram:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

Trending via Slack:

Funny that the Three Wise Men brought probably the three worst presents for a newborn baby.

Just shared via X:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Making waves on Threads:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Seen just now on Discord:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the joys of feeling like a grocery store broccoli! 🥦 Just hanging out in the misty rain, trying not to get soggy. Who knew vegetables could have such relatable moments? 😄 #BroccoliGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

849 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,011

Funny Quotes Topics

13,947

Funny Quotes Images

11,011

Updated

3 minutes ago

Users Online

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

That one British friend that’s too bloke.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Y’all need to stop marrying people who look just like you do but with a wig on.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

The worst thing about having children is the parents of the other children.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Snapchat:

The best way to reach me is with intelligence and humor.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Sorry about all the mean stuff I said when I was right.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Spotted on WeChat:

Police cars should play ice cream truck music when they’re pulling you over for something minor.

Just shared via Twitch:

I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Spotted on Slack:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Done with work today. The work day isn’t over, I’m just done with it.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’ve reached that age where I don’t have to drink to forget because it just happens naturally now.

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