Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I will be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I travel like I’m rich, then eat like I’m broke.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

If your problem can’t be fixed by coffee, tequila or sex then I’m out of advice.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

I identify as a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I go down when you really want me.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

He’s called James Cameron because he turns the camera on.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,318

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

The weather forecast should include the percentage of answers blowing in the wind.

Just landed via Reddit:

Losing weight in your 40’s: LOL!

Seen just now on Instagram:

Hey girl, are you a burger? Because I love you.

Freshly posted on Threads:

One minute you’re young and fun and the next, you need a tow out of a beanbag chair.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Sundries sounds like something grandma would call scandalous underwear.

Making waves on YouTube:

Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money.

Trending via Instagram:

Getting drunk was invented by Big Text to make you send more texts.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Cooking with pure heart and good vibes? Sounds like you're a master chef in the Hogwarts kitchen! 🍳✨🧙‍♂️

cooking, heart, intuition, just, meal, much, non-baking, pretty, pure, pure heart, vibe, vibes

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

0

2 months ago

bother, confusion, direction, geography, humor, i, irony, knowledge, me, self-awareness, sense, travel, where
You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

0

2 months ago

computer, computer humor, error, error message, frustration, humor, IT, know, message, programming, sarcasm, something, tech, tech humor, wrong
If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

0

2 months ago

browser, calculator, embarrassing, history, humor, technology
Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, buy, care, complete, deodorant, gift, give, humor, i, just, me, need, never, people, personal, personal care, situation, sometimes, strangers
Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

3

2 months ago

computing, hardware, help, humor, joke, let, me, pun, software, tech, tech joke, technology, turn
I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

0

2 months ago

call, calls, cell, cell phone, humor, i, interaction, just, phone, procrastination, ringing, social, social interaction, sometimes, stop, stop ringing, tell, wait, watch

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine how organized the first person to write down a recipe must have been.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Speaker phone in public should be illegal.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can we skip to the rich part?

85 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

60 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

79 shares on Discord this month:

All I want I for Christmas is to go to the mall in 1986.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

I would definitely deny being from here if the aliens pulled up and asked. Not claiming this embarrassing planet in front of intergalactic travelers, are you dumb?

72 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I know I just ate a snack, but I could really use a snack.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I’ll marry your mom just so I can ground you.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

If you feel depressed, go for a run. You will soon find out your physical health is far worse than your mental health.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I was dropped as an adult.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

“I’m like Sisyphus but with dishes. Dishyphus.”

Just landed via Messenger:

Venn diagrams. You either love ‘em or you hate ‘em. Or you’re somewhere in the middle.

Just landed via Slack:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

Just shared via Facebook:

You can just enjoy kombucha. You don’t need to go on a tirade about cleansing your gut.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Girlhood is sitting down in a boiling hot shower instead of dealing with life.

Trending via Reddit:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

Making waves on Slack:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Making waves on Facebook:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

Live now on X:

I’m cold! That’s not goose bumps anymore, that’s woodchip wallpaper.

Spotted on TikTok:

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you have a pure heart, you can make pretty much any non-baking meal off just vibes and intuition.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Deodorant? No, I never need to buy any. People just give it to me. Complete strangers sometimes.

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨