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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Man, these end times are taking forever.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,664

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Making waves on Messenger:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Breaking via Instagram:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Trending via Telegram:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Spotted on Facebook:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Breaking via Discord:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI send 5 emails a day and check their fantasy football line-ups on and off for 8 hours.

Just landed via TikTok:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

1 week ago

Witty text about self-confidence, playful and humorous in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges – both are fruit, but they're totally different! So, embrace your uniqueness and let your inner beauty shine without worrying about being compared to anyone else… unless you're being compared to a potato, then maybe worry a little."

attractive, comparison, confidence, humor, perception, self-esteem

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Instagram this month:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

Is stir-fry the only dish where the instructions are in the name?

84 shares on Pinterest this month:

The grass isn’t really greener over there; that’s just a filter.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

We’re living in increasingly unfergalicious times.

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

52 shares on Slack this month:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

You didn’t let me know you got home safely so you better at least be injured or I’m gonna be pissed.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

52 shares on Slack this month:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Went to the toilet today without my cell phone. There are 245 tiles.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Going down a rabbit hole if anyone wants anything.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What part of “I don’t want to spend any more money” don’t I understand?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,543

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Someone in their late 20s giving advice to someone in their early 20s is exactly like when a toddler is obsessed with a newborn.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

IKEA assembly instructions should come with a glossary of Swedish swear words.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

The billionaires have decided that the people with nothing have too much.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

The healthy food in my fridge should be grateful really. It survives much longer than everything else.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Show dominance by ending the year in bed.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Trending via Threads:

Twitter is cigarette for the eyes.

Just landed via X:

I wish people had mute buttons in real life.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

Spotted on Telegram:

It was the becestershire of times, it was the worcestershire of times.

Making waves on Facebook:

Don’t worry, baby, the back pain is because your wings are growing.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Making waves on Telegram:

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

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