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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

Men are only nice for 3 weeks, then surprise you with another personality.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

The way Christmas shopping expects me to have money right now is, honestly, disrespectful.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I like to play this fun game while I clean out the fridge called what is this, how long has it been in here and how do I kill it?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Dec 27, 2025

3,759

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Do not take me to an escape room. I was a c-section. Someone is gonna have to come get me.

Seen just now on X:

You’re not entertaining, you are exittaining.

Live now on Messenger:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Just landed via Facebook:

On the internet it’s super easy to take credit for stuff you had nothing to do with. That’s why I invented it.

Just landed via TikTok:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Every family needs a delusional daughter who is ambitious about relieving all her family’s struggles solely by winning the lottery one day.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Trending via X:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

2 months ago

1

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges – both are fruit, but they're totally different! So, embrace your uniqueness and let your inner beauty shine without worrying about being compared to anyone else… unless you're being compared to a potato, then maybe worry a little."

attractive, comparison, confidence, humor, perception, self-esteem

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When I take a walk, I bring dog treats and people treats. I almost never mix them up.

0

2 months ago

activity, bring, dog, dog treat, humor, i, never, outdoor, outdoor activity, owner, people, people treat, pet, pet owner, take, treat, walk
Stereotypes are like mass graves. They’re both offensive ways to lump groups of people together.

0

2 months ago

both, commentary, comparison, criticism, grave, group, humor, mass, mass grave, offensive, people, social, social commentary, stereotype, stereotypes, together
I bet God still calls it Twitter.

0

2 months ago

bet, calls, God, humor, i, joke, media, social, social media, still, Twitter
This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

0

2 months ago

bathroom, bathroom mirror, draw, every, finger, finger gun, gun, guns, humor, just, know, mirror, morning, never, practice, quick, quick draw, situation, unexpected, unexpected situation
You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

0

2 months ago

adult, choices, freedom, humor, kids, life, life choices, mind, never, parenting, responsibility, want
Oh really? We’ll see what the same six people who always agree with me think about that.

0

2 months ago

agree, agreement, always, dynamics, humor, irony, me, oh, opinion, people, perspective, same, sarcasm, six, social, social dynamics, think, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

Is it just my dad, or do all fathers watch videos on their phones with the volume full blast, with no concern for anyone else in the house?

67 shares on Discord this month:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

95 shares on Threads this month:

I am such a fun person and so easy to get along with as long as the layout I have secretly imagined for the entire day goes exactly as I planned it without variation or interruption.

71 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love icebreakers. They really give me time to anxiously reflect on what the most fun fact about me is, while I don’t listen to anyone else at all.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You want me to sit in the back seat? The thing that killed JFK?

85 shares on Twitch this month:

When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It ain’t easy being America’s sweetheart during these dark times, but someone gotta do it!

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Abandoned amusement parks are so creepy. It’s no wonder they were abandoned.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,054

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

My level of sarcasm’s gotten to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

Remember, for some unknown reason Santa doesn’t make batteries.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Not feeling fergalicious today, actually feeling pretty fergusting right now.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

To the knife wielding psycho who walked in on me in the shower; I’m sorry you had to see that.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Sometimes you show up to work, and they just torture you for hours.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

Going viral on Pinterest:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Shared recently on X:

Companies post open positions online and then ask you why you applied to them.

Going viral on Facebook:

Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Trending via YouTube:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

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