Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

You can always tell when someone is on a diet by how they scrape every last bit from that yogurt container.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

When my cat gets in trouble I call him by his full name, Catthew.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Behold the majestic elephant in its natural habitat, the room.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

The first person to see a peacock spread his tail probably had a heart attack.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,365

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

Tech bros are frequently wrong but never in doubt.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Unfortunately, I am literally obsessed with the woman I am when I get stuff done, so I’m just going to keep doing that.

Just shared via WeChat:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

Just landed via Telegram:

Quitting my job to rock around the Christmas tree.

Seen just now on Telegram:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Just shared via Twitch:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I tried to take a picture of myself in the shower, but my camera kept fogging up. I have selfie steam issues.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

No thanks, I’m already in a committed relationship with reading.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Trending via Slack:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's a real gouda one! The cheddar supply better brace itself or I'm provolone-ly going to be upset! 🧀😂

cheese, craving, depressed, depression, enough, food, humor, hunger, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

0

4 months ago

apology, communication, distraction, frustration, humor, i, misunderstanding, multitasking, noise, noises, said, same, sorry, things, time, too
I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

0

2 months ago

ambition, getting, humor, i, just, money, pretend, rich, sarcasm, stop, want, work
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

0

2 months ago

awkward, childhood, confidence, ever, freak, girl, grow, humor, i, ID, little, quirky, self-identity, weird
All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, around, bumper, car, cars, collision, driving, hit, humor, rubber, safety, should
I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

0

6 months ago

chill, ever, everyone, feel, feeling, humor, i, know, me, need, revenge, therapy, why, wronged
Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, end, end times, existential, front-row, front-row seat, getting, humor, joke, satire, seat, times

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on X this month:

Money can’t buy happiness, until you’re on vacation and then you realize it definitely can.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s so hot that my shadow just went back inside and gave me the finger.

82 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

79 shares on TikTok this month:

He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

78 shares on Instagram this month:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Plot twist: the universe is waiting for you to give it a sign.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

After all these years, Jude Law has finally noticed me and responded to my love letters. Something about staying 500 feet away. I’m getting it framed.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this?

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

I tell it like it is: Sometimes I watch the calls on my cell phone and just wait for it to stop ringing.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

Making waves on Twitch:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Making waves on TikTok:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

A selfie only a mother could like.

Seen just now on Facebook:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Just shared via Threads:

Self-cleaning conscience.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Gutted to report that spending a day offline, touching grass with my friends, was phenomenal for my mental health.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m sorry for the things I said when there were too many noises at the same time.

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

All cars should have a rubber bumper all the way around so we can hit each other.

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨