I’m not even a 2nd choice, I’m like an 8th choice, sometimes a 10th.

40 shares on Snapchat this month:

If she says “it’s fine,” you’re probably in trouble.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

90 shares on Messenger this month:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Becoming a DJ, but only because I like to impose my will and preferences upon the masses.

90 shares on Threads this month:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

31 shares on Discord this month:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.