Commentary:
When you become everyone's favorite chat buddy the moment you press play 😂🎧💬
60 Funny second quotes
Is there, like, a secret second Indeed where you guys are finding all these office jobs that pay a ton of money?
Commentary:
Sure, let me just check Indeed 2.0 while I'm at it 🤔💸🌟
Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.
Commentary:
Navigating the dating scene after 40 feels like entering a thrift store where every "new" arrival needs a serious sniff test! 😅🛍️🕵️♀️
I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.
Commentary:
I'm just here for the participation trophy and snacks! 🏅🍪😄
My wife had a dream that I have a secret second wife named Linda. Now, when she’s mad at me, I just say, “Linda wouldn’t get mad about that.”
Commentary:
Looks like Linda is my new imaginary marriage counselor! 😂💍🤷♂️
I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.
Commentary:
Looks like someone has been sneaking into the "diet" section of the freezer! 🍦😆 #CaughtInTheAct
Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?
Commentary:
When your swag has its own volume control 😎🔊🙉
I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.
Commentary:
My wallet waves the white flag the moment I see fancy pens and washi tapes 🏳️🖊️🎨💸
Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?
Commentary:
Trying to finish a bottle of Worcestershire sauce is like playing a video game on expert level 🎮🕵️♂️🥫
(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.
Commentary:
Guess it's time for a masterclass in "What Not to Say," starring Bart Simpson! 😂📺🗣️