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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Make it a habit to cry and act unhinged at meetings so you’re never invited back.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

“You don’t look 40.” How am I supposed to look?

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

Unloading the dishwasher in the opposite direction just to feel something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Just landed via Messenger:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Making waves on Reddit:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Going bananas on Twitch:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

Going viral on Reddit:

Me, on New Year’s Eve: I think instead of kissing at midnight, I’m just going to go outside and scream.

Trending via Twitch:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Just landed via Instagram:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

Spotted on Messenger:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

0
It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess they finally found the scalpel that slices through controversy! 🎨✂️😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on X this month:

Babies first steal your glasses and then bite your nose. I don’t know where they get their reputation.

64 shares on YouTube this month:

Goodnight Outlook, goodnight Teams, goodnight Zoom.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

Notifications are a reminder that you exist.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

56 shares on WeChat this month:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I suck at charging my phone, 21 percent charged, and I’m taking it off so I can lay the other way.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

A weekend in a log cabin with a hot tub sounds perfect right now.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I just can’t watch football, there’s too much “penetration in the backfield” for me to not giggle like an immature maniac.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,649

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I’m not being mean. I’m just too old to pretend to like you.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Santa baby, slip some mental stability under the tree, for me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Being sexy is just the cherry on top. I’m actually a genius and the sweetest girl ever.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on X:

I received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

Making waves on Telegram:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Making waves on YouTube:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

The art of today’s art is to persuade people that it’s art.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

Seen just now on WeChat:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Going viral on WeChat:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

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