Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Who needs hell when you've experienced the shrill cries of disappointed kids on Christmas morning? 🔊🎅 Remember folks, always keep those batteries stocked up or face the wrath of tiny humans!"

battery, chaos, Christmas, family, forgetting, hell, humor, i, morning, sound, still, toys

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

0

2 months ago

alone, cake, counter, dessert, end, going, house, humor, me, mischief, temptation, warning, well
“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

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2 months ago

babe, humor, least, life, path, psychopath, relationship, sort, witty
Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

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2 months ago

after, best, email, hit, humor, i, mistake, procrastination, proofreading, send, typo
Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

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2 weeks ago

actually, AI, back, ChatGPT, dumb, dumb take, humor, intelligence, just, otherwise, sarcasm, smart, take, technology, using
I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

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2 months ago

air, air conditioning, conditioning, episode, episodes, every, heat, hot, humor, i, inconvenience, miss, nostalgia, show, sitcom, summer, TV, TV Show, where
I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

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2 months ago

bed, cops, humor, i, late, late night, night, own, party, ready, sleep

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag but this cashier is checking me out.

93 shares on Slack this month:

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

11 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

The baddest women come into your life when you have 37 dollars left.

70 shares on Slack this month:

No, I don’t comment, I voodoo doll like a real adult.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m at the gym and I just saw someone put their water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

67 shares on Slack this month:

I need one of those jobs they have in sitcoms, where it pays my rent but interferes with exactly zero of my social plans or situations.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Monday holds the record for being the worst day of the week.

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Set my sex robot to boyfriend mode and now it’s liking other girls’ pictures on Insta.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

My wife just admitted a mistake. What do I have to do now? What does this mean for my future? Help me!

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

Prime Video will find the movie you were looking for and then say, “Oops, you gotta pay for it.”

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Sober in a taxi: Please. Stop talking to me. Drunk in a taxi: … And that, Mick, is why I’m emotionally unavailable, I suppose.

Freshly posted on Threads:

It’s like ten thousand tweets when all you need is a life.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

Just shared via Twitch:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Going viral on WeChat:

That looks like a problem for someone else.

Live now on Twitch:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Just landed via YouTube:

I got bills. They’re multiplying.

Shared recently on Slack:

“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.

Going bananas on Telegram:

God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.

Just landed via Discord:

I’m in a long-distance relationship with the stars.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Using ChatGPT requires you to actually be smart; otherwise, it just regurgitates your dumb takes back to you.

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

I called the cops on my own party once because I was ready to go to bed.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨