Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

Never meeting another person again, so if I know you already, congrats!

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

They should have a special lane for texting and driving.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Ripping the fishnets off my slutty little oranges.