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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like “Ok, can I bring my gardener?”

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

I can admit that I am intrigued by people weirder than I am.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

This too shall pass. And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never fucking ends.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

All soups are gazpacho if you’re lazy enough.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,631

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Every day I ask ChatGPT if it knows where my keys are and if it ever knows the answer, I’m suing everybody.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I regret to inform you that we must all once again figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

Shared recently on WeChat:

The amount I’m sighing these days could fuel a small wind farm.

Spotted on Snapchat:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Very confusing that gross pay is before tax. I always find the number way grosser after tax.

Trending via Threads:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Trending via Telegram:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Making waves on Messenger:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Just shared via Messenger:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

2 months ago

0

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, well, well, it appears someone got the gourmet chocolate upgrade in the game of Life! 🍫💰 Who knew that chasing dreams would come with a side of sticker shock? Don't worry, you're not alone in this bougie box of surprises! 😄 #LifeGoals #ChocolateWoes

box, chocolate, comparison, expectation, expensive, humor, i, life

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward situation, choose, communication, cues, expression, face, facial, facial expression, humor, i, nonverbal, nonverbal communication, silence, silent, situation, situations, social, social cues, stay, subtitles, weird
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator doors before anyone else gets on.

0

2 months ago

anyone, before, close, competition, doors, elevator, else, hobby, humor, interaction, social, social interaction, trying, waiting
Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, fade, forever, humor, inappropriate, inappropriate humor, looks, twisted, twisted humor
Are French bulldogs actually French? They seem kinda Puerto Rican.

0

2 months ago

actually, breed, bulldog, dog, french, French bulldog, humor, nationality, puerto, Puerto Rican, rican
The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

0

5 months ago

check, checkout, convenience, guest, guest checkout, hero, let, me, online, online shopping, real, shopping, website, websites
The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.

0

2 months ago

hear, humor, i, know, life, myself, say, silence, talking, theoretically, tragedy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Telegram this month:

The endings of Lost and Game of Thrones each cost me a television.

65 shares on YouTube this month:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

85 shares on Slack this month:

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s getting slide guitar and harmonica hot outside.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

50 shares on X this month:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

71 shares on Threads this month:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Going out on Friday night will always be better than going out on a Saturday night.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The best thing about work is the coffee machine and the drive home.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Soft launching your call out the next day by telling everyone at work your stomach feels a little weird.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,666

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Always be kind. You never know who might own a hot tub.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

I’m literally overstimulated with life. I need to scream on top of a mountain.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

A friend’s boyfriend is not my friend… that is a coworker, at best.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Before I agree to the new year, I wanna read the terms and conditions.

Broadcasted on Discord:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

Spotted on Instagram:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Just landed via Facebook:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Freshly posted on X:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

You ever see a woman so beautiful it makes you momentarily mentally ill?

Breaking via YouTube:

Photogenic people are magical. You could snap a pic of them mid- explosive diarrhea, and they’d still look good.

Going bananas on Instagram:

As you get older you become all of the seven dwarfs.

Seen just now on Discord:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

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