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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

One day I will start learning from my mistakes. Today is not that day. Tomorrow isn’t looking so good either.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,910

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Going bananas on X:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

Going bananas on Slack:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Keep your friends close, but your smartphone closer.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I wish my Fitbit could track all the steps I’ve taken trying to find where I put it.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Turning 50: when your back goes out more than you do! 🎉😅

50, age, humor, joke, middle, middle age, most, people

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

1 month ago

boy, breakup, contact, contacts, delete, every, game, gone, hangman, humor, letter, name, names, relationship, revenge, time, upset
By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

1 month ago

butt, Facebook, humor, i, kiss, me, media, power, relationship, restricted, social, social media, unfriended
Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

1 month ago

combo, crazy, expression, face, funny combo, humor, mean, mean face, personality, personality trait, resting, resting face, shy, trait
Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

1 month ago

clothing, humor, leg, legs, pale, pale leg, sensation, shorts, summer, sunlight, vampire, vampires
Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

1 week ago

actually, communication, even, honesty, humor, lying, relationship, understanding, woman, women
Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

1 month ago

cultural, cultural reference, dot, everything, girl, honesty, humor, indian, Indian girl, lie, recording, red, red dot, reference

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Every time I watch “The Godfather”, I notice some new detail (they’re Italian???).

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

“You’re always drinking wine!” God forbid a girl enjoys the first miracle of Jesus.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

Taking a dog named shark to the beach is a bad idea.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Dear Aliens, Now would be a good time. Thanks!

Trending via YouTube:

Threw my back out due to overwhelming sensuality again.

Trending via TikTok:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Just shared via Twitch:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Going bananas on Facebook:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Trending via WeChat:

The walk of shame, except it’s me at a bowling alley walking back to sit down after I knock down zero pins with bumpers.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If you need ChatGPT to write an email, maybe you shouldn’t have job.

I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Adult life sucks. Friends don’t even ask to see how fast you can run in your new shoes anymore.

Bedrotting is so nice. Just lying in bed, using your phone comfortably.

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

They lie on the job descriptions, so lie on your resume.

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Like most people my age, I’m 50.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Wearing shorts and my pale legs screamed at the sensation of sunlight like vampires.

Women are actually very understanding if you’re honest with them, especially if they like you. You don’t even have to do all that lying.

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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