Manifesting you in my bed.

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Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

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Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

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I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

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Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

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My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

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God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

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All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.