I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

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One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

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Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

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Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

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My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

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More foods should have boats, why should gravy have all the fun?

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My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

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The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.