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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Normalize talking to people in the gym who have earbuds in, they love that.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

If we ever make eye contact, just know I imagined way too much already.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

The easiest way to bundle your home and auto insurance is to live in your car.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

I wonder if this next thunderstorm is thinking of me, too.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,485

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Going viral on Slack:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like that ghostly inventor really knows how to crack some spines and haunt some skeptics! 🔮👻 #SpookySpinalAdjustments

anecdote, chiropractics, conversation, ghost, guy, humor, i, massage, pretty, quick, shut, therapist, told

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

0

2 months ago

before, buy, chocolate, experience, filled, food, grocery, grocery shopping, healthy, healthy food, i, impulse, impulse buy, marshmallow, me, self-control, shopping, shopping experience, temptation
The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

0

2 months ago

alive, balance, dead, enough, humor, just, know, life, pain, spot, sweet, sweet spot, wish
I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

0

2 months ago

back, dating, girl, heartbreak, humor, i, know, love, me, numbers, rejection, relationship, talk
Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

0

2 months ago

aloud, awkward, awkward situation, book, flight, humor, i, just, middle, middle seat, over, reading, seat, seatmate, should, sitting, situation, start
Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

0

2 months ago

asking, chores, distraction, dryer, home, humor, i, laundry, moved, needs, Netflix, procrastination, start, still, stop, watching
Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

0

2 months ago

communication, grammar, humor, irony, lessons, media, social, social media, teach, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

Full-time employment will have you making lists of thoughts to think.

34 shares on X this month:

Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

98 shares on WeChat this month:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

42 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nothing worse than realising you vented to the wrong person.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

39 shares on Discord this month:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

100 shares on Discord this month:

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

66 shares on Discord this month:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I replaced my old flat pillow that hurt my neck with a new fat fluffy pillow that hurts my neck.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I sometimes have the desire to meet certain people again for the first time. Only to simply walk past them.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

People text “Happy New Year” and go missing for the rest of the year!

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Shared recently on Slack:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Trending via Snapchat:

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Just shared via Facebook:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Shared recently on Threads:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Spotted on X:

Stealing hoodies is for amateurs. Steal his car like a real woman.

Spotted on Instagram:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Just came back from my walk, and I was right about everything.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Massage therapist asked how I felt about chiropractics and I told her the guy who invented it says he learned it from a ghost, and that shut the conversation down pretty quick.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Me before grocery shopping: only healthy foods, no impulse buys, I can do this. Me during grocery shopping: they make chocolate filled marshmallows?

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.

Sitting on the middle seat of this flight and both my seatmates are reading my book over my shoulder. Should I just start reading it aloud?

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Twitter can teach you a lot of lessons. Grammar is not one of them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨