My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

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Your opinions are not my business.

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If you ever have a crush on someone and want it to end, listen to a podcast they are on.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

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Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Think about how many more lovers you’d have if a cross country high-speed rail existed. That’s what they are taking away from you.

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I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

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Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

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I should have been a Librarian, my favorite thing to do is telling people to shut up.

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There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.