Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Not to brag, but I can trip over things that aren’t even there!
  • My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.
  • Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.
  • I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair.
  • It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.
  • I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.