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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

“You shouldn’t let your cat jump on the counter”, my cat could take out a loan in my name if he wanted to.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Remember that even the worst haircut will eventually grow on you.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,632

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Seen just now on X:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Just shared via Slack:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The only thing that drains faster than my phone battery is my bank account.

Trending via Telegram:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Seen just now on X:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like owning a Peloton is great for your fitness… your social fitness! 🚴‍♂️😄📢

equipment, exercise, exercise equipment, favorite, favorite part, having, i, Peloton, people, showing, showing off, status, status symbol, symbol, telling, telling people

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

0

3 months ago

communication, favourite, form, humor, introvert, morning, silence
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

0

2 months ago

creativity, humor, i, multitasking, octopus, people, slap, wish
I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

0

2 months ago

air, air conditioning, conditioning, episode, episodes, every, heat, hot, humor, i, inconvenience, miss, nostalgia, show, sitcom, summer, TV, TV Show, where
My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

0

2 months ago

dogs, earthquakes, feel, gas, humor, pets
Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

0

2 months ago

activity, aggression, building, face, fun, fun activity, humor, i, playful, playful aggression, punch, snowman, winter
I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

0

2 months ago

ago, allergy, days, death, diagnosis, died, feeling, googled, health, humor, i, internet, joke, symptom, symptoms, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on WeChat this month:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

72 shares on Messenger this month:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

Car rides by yourself with loud music… they’re good for the soul.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.

57 shares on Messenger this month:

Gonorrhea would’ve been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

12 shares on X this month:

It’s really hard to come back after a poorly executed high five.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

I hate when I offer someone food and they accept it.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

The question of whether an employer values its employees is sometimes answered by the toilet paper.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Imagine hating on me and I’m just sitting there in the corner, in the spotlight, losing my religion.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I have been nothing but creepy and aggressive to you. Please respond.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Just landed via Pinterest:

Ok. I blinked 182 times. What happens now?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Seen just now on TikTok:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Live now on YouTube:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Broadcasted on X:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Trending via Facebook:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨