Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.
  • I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.
  • If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.
  • Getting real tired of my own bullshit.
  • Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?
  • If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.