My parents think they know me.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

19 shares on Discord this month:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s something about Dracula I just don’t trust.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

20 shares on Messenger this month:

I feel like I’m in jail when I’m around unfunny people for too long.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

30s: Oh look, a dance floor! 50s: Oh look, a couch!

13 shares on Slack this month:

As a woman, you need to forgive yourself for men you entertained when you had low self-esteem.

49 shares on Messenger this month:

Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We were supposed to have flying cars and other cool stuff, but instead we have AI videos showing Michael Jackson eat at McDonald’s.