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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Forgetting how to clean the dishes and shooting them with a gun.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

The first step to recovery is addiction.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

My mom be cutting up fruit and bringing it to me in my room without saying nothing. That’s when it hits me, nobody ever gonna love me this much.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Toothache and heartache comes from the same thing, which is something sweet.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has downloaded:

Dating scene and the job market are the same right now, just stay where you are.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,647

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

I wear a lot of clothes for someone who hates doing laundry.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Live now on Twitch:

Sisters are so important. How else would my mom find out all the stuff I didn’t want her to know.

Just landed via WeChat:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Just landed via Threads:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Trending via Telegram:

I am half agony, half hope.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Making waves on TikTok:

My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.

Going viral on Slack:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Broadcasted on Facebook:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

3 weeks ago

Witty quote about taking long showers to perform a personal concert, humorous and playful.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When I shower, I sell out every night and never give away free tickets! 🎤🚿🎶

always, bathroom, concert, hold, humor, i, long shower, performance, procrastination, routine, shower, showers, singing, take

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21 shares on Pinterest this month:

I am half agony, half hope.

84 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

37 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The first person to throw out bath water: Uh oh.

40 shares on X this month:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

82 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

74 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m at the age where any time my mom asks if I remember so-and-so from high school, the news is never good.

99 shares on YouTube this month:

Telling my coworkers I can’t talk in meetings today because I need to save my voice for concerts this weekend.

50 shares on Reddit this month:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

62 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Roses are red. Pizza sauce is too. I ordered a large. And none of it’s for you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Solitude never hits you with unsolicited opinions.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Some people should have read-only access to the internet.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Trending via Snapchat:

There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.

Going viral on YouTube:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Seen just now on Discord:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Just shared via Slack:

I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

Trending via Facebook:

If the earth was flat, many people would have already jumped off it.

Seen just now on Threads:

A haunted house, but every room is just learning more about Will & Jada.

Shared recently on Discord:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Taylor Swift’s prenup is about to be longer than any book Travis Kelce has ever read.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Keep the laugh going 😂

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Notice how you don’t catch me in public, it’s because i’m not real.

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨