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New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

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Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

50 Funny hold quotes

Funny hold quotes 🎭 are the hidden gems of humor that turn waiting on the line into a delightful comedy break 😂. Whether you’re stuck on a call 🎧 or enduring another endless queue, these witty quips offer a sprinkle of laughter 🌟 when you need it most. With their clever twists and cheeky charm, they transform the mundane into a mini stand-up routine 🎤, ensuring you stay entertained while you wait.

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

Posted onMay 30, 2026

You ever hold an iPhone without a case on it? You can almost feel its eagerness to toss itself onto some pavement.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

And then one day, life was like… hold my beer.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Sarcastically saying “you’re welcome” to the people who don’t say thank you when I hold the door for them is something I’ll never stop doing.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

I admire how, when babies don’t want to hold something anymore, they just drop it.

Posted onMay 29, 2026

Hold music is annoyingly scratchy and repetitive on purpose, so you will hang up and stop bothering them.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Posted onMay 28, 2026

When I’m on hold and the song ends, I always expect someone to pick up the phone.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.

Posted onMay 28, 2026

Men invented arm wrestling so they could hold hands and look into each other’s eyes.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

Posted onMay 27, 2026

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Posted onMay 27, 2026

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

Posted onMay 26, 2026

They should invent someone who holds me.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m bringing back “hold your horses” and nobody can stop me.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Posted onMay 24, 2026

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Posted onMay 24, 2026

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Not to brag, but I’m on hold and my call is important to them.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

If there’s no open mouth cougher on the plane they hold the flight until they can find one.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Rather than touching grass, I recommend going to a concert and experiencing the live performance of that one song you hold religiously close to your heart.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Posted onMay 23, 2026

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

Posted onMay 23, 2026

What did parents do before smart phones, hold their babies with two hands or something?

Posted onMay 23, 2026

I think I look pretty okay for my age. It’s just when I hold menus two feet from my face that I know the ruse is up.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Today my coworker asked if I wanted to hold her new baby and neither of us were prepared for me saying why?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

Of course women need more pockets, where are we supposed to hold all of our grudges?

Posted onMay 22, 2026

The way some people hold their cell phone to make a call, I always think they’re trying to take a bite out of a sandwich.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Posted onMay 22, 2026

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Posted onMay 21, 2026

How dare this person in traffic hold me up for seconds on the way to a place that doesn’t require my immediate presence?

Posted onMay 21, 2026

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