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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

She left me because of my poor English. But I doesn’t care.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

People tell me to just be myself like that would be a good thing.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Unlike smoking, vaping doesn’t reduce your sex drive. It just reduces the sex drive of the people who see you vaping.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

51 minutes ago

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

Reported on TikTok:

It’s just a matter of time until they add “syndrome” after my name.

Trending via Twitch:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Just shared via Reddit:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Trending via Telegram:

I really don’t get enough praise for someone who doesn’t need validation from others.

Spotted on X:

I think we all need to go out into an empty field and just scream for about an hour.

Trending via Twitch:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve never really had a beach body, but my snowman body is coming along quite nicely.

Spotted on Slack:

I really wish people would stop thinking they need to speak to me in the mornings.

Home » Funny Take Quotes

158 Funny take quotes

Funny take quotes 😂🎭 are like the comedic superheroes of the quote universe, swooping in to save the day with a punchline and a wink. They’re the perfect blend of wisdom and wit, turning life’s curveballs into lighthearted laughs. Whether you need a giggle or a grin, these clever quips are here to tickle your funny bone and brighten your day with a delightful dose of humor. Get ready to chuckle! 🤣✨

New funny take quotes 👇

4 hours ago
Share →: The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

Commentary:
When you hit 50, your bladder gets a promotion: Director of Urgency! 🚽😂
5 days ago
Share →: Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

Commentary:
That sounds like my daily emotional rollercoaster on social media 🎢🧐💬👀💕
7 days ago
Share →: There should be a way to take back a compliment bestowed upon a person who doesn’t acknowledge it well.

Commentary:
Seems like we need an "UNDO" button for compliments on these folks! 😂🔄💬
1 week ago
Share →: Take me down to the Moria city, where the girls are green and the boys are stinky… and even Gandalf said ‘Nope, too freaky!’

Commentary:
Looks like even Gandalf couldn't handle the epic smell battles and orc-style fashion show! 🧙‍♂️💨😂
1 week ago
Share →: “That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

Commentary:
Trying my best to look interested while my brain is on a coffee break. ☕😴📡
1 week ago
Share →: When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Commentary:
If only those energy vampires could multitask, I'd have a six-pack by now! 😂🧛‍♀️💪
1 week ago
Share →: Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Commentary:
When your brain insists on being your heart's chaperone 😄🧠❤️
1 week ago
Share →: I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Commentary:
Suddenly realizing that my camera doubles as a time machine 😂📸🥦🍩
1 week ago
Share →: Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Commentary:
Celebrating the thrilling amusement park ride that comes free with every haircut! 🎢💇‍♂️🎈
1 week ago
Share →: Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Commentary:
Sounds like a job for the Phone-nappers! 📱🕵️‍♂️🚨

For even more funny take quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny take quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

800 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,962

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,962

51 minutes ago

3,446

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

At my size, I’d be called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I bet my calculator app wrapped would be pretty shameful.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Just shared via Twitch:

My fondest childhood memory is being able to sleep through the entire night and waking up rested.

Breaking via Telegram:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m at the age where a house arrest no longer sounds like the worst thing.

Just shared via TikTok:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Shared recently on X:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Just landed via Reddit:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Seen just now on X:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

Spotted on Instagram:

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

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